ZackSaint.com

It’s been exactly one year since Zack died and it hurts just as much today as it did the day it happened. I miss his laugh, his smile, and his voice as much today as I did a year ago. Actually, I miss it more. There are so many things I miss about Zack, so many things. Too many to write here. But I miss the little things as much as the big things. I miss him sitting next to me in church just as much as I miss the Harley rides. One of the things that most upsets me is that I’ll never get to see a new picture of him. I’ll never see something new of him. But the idea of never seeing something new makes me cherish the old more.

Over the past year I have become more thankful. I’m so thankful for those who knew Zack. I’m so thankful for your willingness to share what you loved about him. I’m thankful for the kind words and the prayers. Over the past year I have seen new glimpses of who he really was. I have heard stories about his funny side as well as his serious side. I have heard of his love for friends and most of all, of his love for God. Zack has taught me so many things through his death that I might not have ever been able to learn. At the ripe old age of 21, I feel like 40. I’ve grown up in ways I would have never have expected at 21. Through his life and death, Zack has taught me about God, about who he is and his importance in my life. But I think what I have learned the most over the last year is peace. I have never felt peace like this. Zack died for a reason, and I will grow up without a brother for a reason. God has given me the peace in knowing that I did everything I was supposed to do with Zack. Sometimes I think of what my future would have been with Zack still here, but then I remember, there was no future. God had planned for Zack to live until February 3, 2006, and not a moment more. He had everything planned out, and when I think of my “lost” future with my big brother, I remember that we got exactly what God had planned since the beginning of time. That is my comfort.

Over the last year I’ve have realized the true value of family. I have realized what it really means to be family. So this part is for my family:

As we move through grief and sorrow…we move together. We move as one…and on the days when you think it can’t get any worse, we know we have each other. I have never missed or longed for anyone the way I long for Zack. I have never felt a hole in my heart they way I feel for Zack. But God has given me precious gifts in all of you.
He has given me a father to lean on, a father to teach me love and humility. The man who I look for in my future husband. He is Zack’s father.
God has given me a mother to show me love like no one else could. A mother who has shown me how to walk when I can barely feel my feet. She is Zack’s mother.
God has given me a big sister to inspire me. A sister to look out for me and teach me lessons she has already learned. She is Zack’s big sister.
God has given me a little sister who makes my day brighter with a laugh. A sister who lets me be silly with her, but a sister who has taught me more about myself then she will ever know. She is Zack’s little sister.
God has given me a second family as well. He has given me a second father and mother and five littler brothers and sisters. He has given us a family to miss Zack with, and a family to remember Zack with. With this family, God has brought welcomed distraction and pure joy. All I need to do is walk up a hill to get a smile and a hug; to have someone run and jump into my arms. Their love is never ending and it flows down the hill constantly. You are my family.
I am lucky enough to have the same family Zack did…the family that made Zack who he was. The family he learned with, the family he laughed with, and the family he cried with. The family that sat by his side everyday for 7 months. So everyday I miss Zack, I always remember that inside of all of you are pieces of my big brother. Inside of you are the hearts that I love, you are my hugs and my prayers. Inside of you is my big brother. Inside of you are memories. We carry within us pieces of Zack. We each have different memories. And as we carry with us pieces of Zack, we carry each other also. I have in my heart all of you and you will forever remain there. In moments of hurt and pain…you are never more than a thought away.
We live together, one man missing. We live together feeling a little less whole. But we live together with God in our hearts. We live together, we stand together, we pray together, we love together, and we worship together. We are a family. I am thankful I can call you mine.

For all of you that have kept reading this site…thanks. It means a lot to know that people remember Zack. And I know I can speak for my family when saying:

Thank you for your prayers and support. It means the world to us and we have felt the strength of those prayers in our moments of need. God has truly surrounded us with love.

Would you share what you loved about Zack and the stories you remember?
littlelatke@gmail.com