Archive for February, 2006

From Esther

Friday, February 17th, 2006
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I have been thinking a lot about Heaven lately. I try and imagine Zack there. The picture that most often comes to mind is him riding his Harley in the clouds. Or maybe playing soccer. Or sitting around a campfire. I always picture him outside, in God’s creation that he loved.

What I have been thinking about most is what I am going to do with the rest of my life on earth that I have to live without my brother. It feels overwhelming to think of how much I miss him. I imagine myself doing alone all the things I was planning to do with him. There are things in my life that will never be the same because Zack won’t be here to share them with me.

But when I think about how Zack lived his life, it helps me to know how to live the rest of mine. Zack never missed an opportunity. An opportunity to spend time with a friend or family member. To travel. To ride his Harley. To play soccer. To share the gospel. I know that if he could talk to me right now he would tell me to never miss an opportunity in my life. Every day when I wake up and get out of bed I am going to miss my brother. Some days I probably won’t want to get out of bed because I miss him so much. But he would want me to keep on living, so that is what I will do. He told me countless times while he was sick, and even right before he died, “You will be fine.” And I know I will.

The one thing that has comforted me most is thinking about being in Heaven with Zack one day.
I have been trying to look at life through Heaven’s eyes. When I do that, I realize that my time on earth is short, especially in the perspective of eternity. Therefore, the time I spend here on earth without Zack is going to be the blink of an eye compared to the eternity that I will spend with him in Heaven. Although this doesn’t take the pain away, it gives me something to look forward to. I know that when I die Zack will be waiting in Heaven to greet me.

The verses below have really encouraged me. I hope it does the same for you all.

1 Thessalonians 4:13-18 (New International Version)

13 Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope. 14 We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. 15 According to the Lord’s own word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left till the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep. 16 For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. 17 After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. 18 Therefore encourage each other with these words.

I wanted to thank all of you for your prayers. It seems at times I could reach out and touch them; they are so real to me. I pray that God blesses you all for your tireless prayers for our family.

Esther

LeTourneau University Memorial Service

Friday, February 17th, 2006

On February 13, a memorial service was held at LeTourneau University for Zack. If you would like to listen to it click on the link below:

http://www.letu.edu/opencms/opencms/_Student-Life/chapel/Spring2006/index.html

Then scroll down to February 13th and click on “Memorial Service for Zack Saint”

Book List and Scripture

Thursday, February 16th, 2006

In response to a number of emails we have received, we have posted some information below.

Listed below are the two books that Zack read the summer before he was diagnosed with Leukemia. These are the two books Zack felt that God used to prepare him for his battle with cancer.

Called to Die by Steve Estes

Jungle Pilot by Russell T. Hitt

Also, here are the four scriptures that Zack had written in the brim of his hat.

Proverbs 3: 5-6

5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

James 1:2-3

2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds,
3 because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.

Psalm 15

1 LORD, who may dwell in your sanctuary? Who may live on your holy hill? 2 He whose walk is blameless and who does what is righteous, who speaks the truth from his heart 3 and has no slander on his tongue, who does his neighbor no wrong and casts no slur on his fellowman, 4 who despises a vile man but honors those who fear the LORD, who keeps his oath even when it hurts, 5 who lends his money without usury and does not accept a bribe against the innocent. He who does these things will never be shaken.

Psalm 34

1 I will extol the LORD at all times; his praise will always be on my lips. 2 My soul will boast in the LORD; let the afflicted hear and rejoice. 3 Glorify the LORD with me; let us exalt his name together. 4 I sought the LORD, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. 5 Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame. 6 This poor man called, and the LORD heard him; he saved him out of all his troubles. 7 The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them. 8 Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him. 9 Fear the LORD, you his saints, for those who fear him lack nothing. 10 The lions may grow weak and hungry, but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing. 11 Come, my children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the LORD. 12 Whoever of you loves life and desires to see many good days, 13 keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking lies. 14 Turn from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it. 15 The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their cry; 16 the face of the LORD is against those who do evil, to cut off the memory of them from the earth. 17 The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. 18 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. 19 A righteous man may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all; 20 he protects all his bones, not one of them will be broken. 21 Evil will slay the wicked; the foes of the righteous will be condemned. 22 The LORD redeems his servants; no one will be condemned who takes refuge in him.

From Ginner

Friday, February 10th, 2006

I’m not sure if anyone checks the website anymore…but for those of you still willing to read a bit more, this will be my last entry and I hope it can be one more example of God’s love.

Hope. Everyday God gives me hope. That is all I need right? Wrong. I love the hope that God has used to lift me up in times of sorrow. But at the same time I know I need more than hope. I need love. I need trust. I need Him. Zack has taught me so much about God’s love that it could never be explained. To see my brother in pain and still thinking about me is just one small testament that God was truly with him.
I started reading the book of Psalm shortly after Zack died. Seeing those two references in Zack’s hat and all the passages that he underlined in his Bible have given me the urge to read it. It’s terrible that it took his death to get me to read it, but that is the way it happened. When Zack and I were saying goodbye, he told me to read my Bible everyday, even when I’m tired, because it will pay off in the end. It’s wonderful how God used Zack’s words to really affect me. I wish I could say that I had already been reading my Bible faithfully everyday, but I must confess that I had not. But God knew that, and he used Zack to encourage me to keep reading. And it has already paid off. Psalm 1:6 says “The Lord watches over the way of the righteous, but the way of the ungodly will perish.” Six verses into reading this book I realized why Zack liked it so much. God’s protection is truly evident in this book and he has used it daily to renew my hope and reassure me that his will was done in Zack. God watches over the way of the righteous. Zack was one of God’s children, and knowing that God was watching over him for his entire life and knew exactly what was going to happen has helped me deal with the hole in my heart, a hole that only God’s love and mercy can fill.
I miss Zack. That is the only way to express it. I miss his smile. Zack had a smile that could light up the room. When he smiled at you he made you feel that you were truly loved. I miss wrestling with him (even though he always won). I miss getting lectured by him, because he was usually right. I miss his laugh. I miss all of us sitting around the kitchen table for hours talking about nothing. I miss long rides on the Harley. He took me on his favorite roads and showed me all the houses he loved. Most of all I miss the way he smelled when I hugged him. He smelled of cologne and clean clothes. I can still smell it sometimes when I walk in his room. Zack was passionate about the outdoors. He could talk for hours about it. He even loved that show on TV where you watch other people hunt. I never understood that, never will, but he loved it. In my heart I believe that God gave Zack and adventurous spirit for a reason. He was able to do so much with his life before he died. He said something once that proved that to me it went something like this, “I’ve gone to Alaska, Utah, Colorado, Mexico, Europe, I’m a Christian, I have a Harley…What more could I want?” God let Zack experience so much with his life. He never wasted an opportunity. He never let a chance to go biking, hunting, fishing, hiking, or camping go by. He always took the opportunities God gave him.
He was the same way about his Christian life. When God gave Zack an opportunity to talk about him, Zack did. He didn’t hesitate to show how God loved someone. A lot of that was done not through talking, but through his actions. The phrase “actions speak louder than words” is certainly true of Zack. He was able to show God’s love through everything he did. He was able to witness through playing soccer. A friend of mine played pick-up soccer with him during the summer. She said that whenever they needed to make a decision for a call they would always ask Zack because he was honest about it, whether it was for his team or against it. His actions toward people showed God’s love. He didn’t discriminate between groups at school, everyone was Zack’s friend, and everyone wanted to be his friend because he was a true friend.
Every thing I have said so far makes me really think about my big brother, my only brother. I will never have a brother again, but I don’t think I would want one now. No brother could live up to Zack. He was a wonderful brother. He protected me. I miss him more everyday when I think about the things I will not get to do with him. A song from Phantom of the Opera perfectly expresses my longing to see my brother again.

Wishing you were somehow here again . . .
Wishing you were somehow near . . .
Sometimes it seemed if I just dreamed,
Somehow you would be here . . .
Wishing I could hear your voice again,
Knowing that I never would . . .

I do not have to wait forever to see Zack again. I do not have to wait long to hear his voice. I know that one day I will see Zack again in heaven. I can’t wait. It will be amazing to get a hug from him again. I miss Zack so much, and I’m sure I’m not the only one. He longed to see you all again in Heaven. I hope that those of you who do not know what you believe or are thinking at all about the love of God would embrace that love and take it in. God is waiting for you. He is seeking you out, do not resist him. He love is holy. His love is true. His love is everlasting. His love is constant. His love is unconditional. His love is pure. His love can be yours.

Email the Saint’s

Wednesday, February 8th, 2006

If you wish to send the family an email, please use this address:

natesaint73@gmail.com