ZackSaint.com

Notice: Childcare WILL be provided on Wednesday at the prayer meeting for Zack.

Please spread the word. We will be meeting at 7:00 PM on Wednesday, February 1 at CEFC to pray for Zack. All are invited as we join our brother in this battle.

My Brother:

Friday: I called my mom to see how Zack was doing and because I knew they were going to meet with his doctor today. After lunch I saw that I had a missed call…it was my mom. She had left a message saying that I needed to call her back as soon as possible…and she didn’t sound good. She sounded like she had been or was crying…I knew that the news from the doctor
wasn’t going to be good, because Zack’s leukemia had started growing again. But in all honesty I didn’t really know what to expect.

I called Mom back and she told me I needed to come home because Zack wanted to discuss his options with all of us. But I didn’t let her tell me what those options were because the way she asked let me know they weren’t good and I still had a class to get through….well…after I hung up, I thought about the emotion in my mom’s voice…and instead of hopping onto the bus
when it came, I walked back to my room, got my stuff, and drove home.

When I got home, Esther and Char were there with Mrs. Culbert and Mrs. Baskin. Everyone’s eyes were red and I knew what I was in store for wasn’t going to be easy, but I was still being optimistic. Then I heard Zack’s options. 1. Let the leukemia take its course and come home till the end or 2. Remove the pneumonia from his lung with surgery, wait till he is strong, then do the bone marrow transplant, and after the transplant, the doctors were giving him a 5% chance. Option 2 will take a long long time and lots of pain on Zack’s part. Both options are heart breaking…and if you have never experienced heart break this is what it feels like….

I immediately started to cry. I realized that the brother who I wanted to approve of my husband, the brother who I wanted to watch me walk down the aisle with a smile on his face, the brother I wanted to see have a wife and children, the brother that I wanted to learn from, the brother that took me on my first motorcycle ride, the brother who took me fishing, the brother
who told me what a man really should be like just by the friends he had, the brother who taught me so much about camping, guns, bikes, motorcycles, the outdoors, and Gods love and strength and much, much more….would soon die.

The only time I had ever seen someone get bad news like this was on TV, the people who are hearing the bad news usually fall over, cry, or throw up. And ya know what…I struggled with all three. Luckily I was sitting down. Luckily I had tissues, and luckily I suppressed throwing up. I had never experienced a feeling like that in my life. My stomach was doing loops, my brain was overwhelmed, and my heart literally hurt. I didn’t understand.

But in all of this heartache and pain, I see “my” “brother” cheerful and joking around. He is an amazing man. Truly amazing. He has God given strength and love. I see him daily fighting an infection that is racking his body with pain, yet he still finds the love in his heart to joke around. My mom told me about how when Zack heard the news, he put up his arm, made a muscle, and said, “I like a good fight.” Now that is the brother I know and love. That is the brother that hasn’t given up on “anything” since the day he was born.

He didn’t know what he wanted to do. He asked us all our opinions and we said that whatever he wanted to do we would back him the whole way. But of course we all want him to fight. But he wants to do God’s will most of all. Before we left the hospital Friday night, after many tears and tissues had been spent, we had family devotions- at Zack’s request. Even through all of this he knows he can find comfort in God’s Word. My dad read us the story of David and Goliath. After finishing the story, Zack looks at all of us and says, “So David had about a 5% chance right?” We all kinda laughed with tears in our eyes, and then he said, “I think I wanna fight it.” And he cared about us so much that he even asked our opinions, he could have only thought about himself if he wanted to. Not like our opinion would have been any different than his, but it meant a lot to me to know that he cared about what I thought.

I love him.

I know that God could heal Zack right here and now, he could be better in a second. But God has not chosen to do that. He may never choose to heal Zack. But I can tell you right now, that if Zack wins his battle with cancer…it is in no way of human strength or medicine, but of God alone!

As a family we spoke about what was going on. We have all struggled with the feeling of selfishness….we want Zack for our own reasons. I told my family about my struggle to give Zack up to God. I finally was able to do that with God’s help, and I know that when God takes Zack to Heaven, I will be ok. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t want Zack to stay. All the things that I listed above about what Zack has done for me and what I wanted for my future are selfish things. Zack is not my brother alone, he is God’s son. And that is so much more important. And when God wants to call His son home, Zack will be ready. He is not scared to die, but I am scared to survive.

Pray for my family and especially Zack as he has a lot to go through in the months ahead.

Pray that we will be calm about the future and know that it is in God’s hands.

Pray that Zack would win his battle, if it is in God’s will.

Pray that God will use this for so much more, and that Zack’s life will be a witness to all those he has known and those he has not.

Zack’s number one wish through these last months has been to be a witness to God. The one thing that he wants right now is to get down to Letourneau to say goodbye to his friends that will be scattered across the country after graduation. He wants to thank all of the people who have been praying for him and encourage them. Faced with the thought of death, Zack still thinks of others. He is a gift from God, and he has taught my family and I a lot about God’s love and being completely selfless in the face of death.

When the five missionaries in Ecuador (Jim Elliot/Nate Saint, etc) were asked the question of whether they would fight back in the event of an attack, they replied that they would not. “We are ready for heaven, they’re not.” Zack is ready for heaven…are you?

On Friday, we met with Dr. Luger. She told Zack he has two options:

Option 1: The bone marrow transplant route. Zack would have to be free of all infections before beginning the transplant process, so his lung problem would have to be taken care of first. This would mean surgically removing part of his left lung. Before that could be done, he must be free of fevers and they would need to get his platelet count up to 100 (currently it is around 5 -10). Since Zack has active leukemia, Dr. Luger told us the chance of the transplant being successful would be about 5%.

Option 2: Come home from the hospital and use chemo and drugs to keep him comfortable and extend his life as long as possible.

Zack is planning to take the bone marrow transplant route. We are waiting for more tests and further information about the surgery.

From Zack:

“I am encouraged by the amount of people who are praying for me and our family. I know the percentages of success are very low. God has worked out so many things to this point. I trust in His power and this is the direction He is taking me. I trust Him fully and know that He is completely in control. This past spring and summer I read Jungle Pilot and Called to Die. And I saw how God can use the death of a Christian for His glory. It was one of the ways He was preparing me for this trial.

Throughout this entire time I have had peace from God. When I have struggled, He has helped me through someone visiting me, or people praying for me, or people sending me cards or emails. I have dreams of being healed and doing something that involves engineering and missions, of playing soccer again, and doing all the things I did before, but I also know that if that is not the path that God has laid out for me, then I am at peace with that as well.

Psalm 40:8 I desire to do your will, O my God; your law is within my heart.”

Dear Friends,

We covet your prayers in what has become a most critical day in the lives of Zack and his family. After meeting with the doctor earlier today, there are choices that Zack and his family must make. Due to the gravity and enormity of these decisions, we are humbly asking for you to pray for Zack and the Saint family tonight and throughout the weekend. More specific details will be released later, but just know now that the family needs the wisdom, strength and peace that can only come from our Lord. Pray for continued grace and mercy for our brother Zack in this time of decision.